Required Reading for Redheads
by Poppy P
Summary: "This isn't your average book," said Ron.  "It's pure gold: Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches."  A Weasley man tradition gets handed down from brother to brother.
1. Chapter 1  Bill

**Required Reading for Redheads**

**Chapter 1 - Bill**

**By Poppy P**

**A/N: My first foray back into HP fiction in 5 years! I wrote this about 4 years and forgot about it. I recently found it and thought I may as well put it up since it was finished and beta'd and all. Naturally, I own nothing and am just grateful for the opportunity to play in JKR's world.**

_"This isn't your average book," said Ron. "It's pure gold: 'Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches'. Explains everything you need to know about girls."_

Ron Weasley, _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_

"Dad, do you have a minute?" Fifteen-year-old Bill tapped hesitantly on the door of his father's shed. He leaned his ear against the door of the shed and heard the sound of banging metal. Bill knocked harder. "Dad?"

The hard knock must have startled his father because suddenly he heard a spectacular crash and a muffled oath. "Who is it?" called his father.

"It's Bill, Dad."

"Ah, Bill! Come in, come in."

Bill grinned at the sound of relief in his father's invitation. He pushed the door open in time to see his father covering up what looked like a Muggle engine of some sort.

"What can I do for you, son?" asked his father, blocking the view of his work table with his body.

Bill grinned; his father's nervous demeanour putting him at ease. "I need some advice," said Bill, "It's about girls."

Arthur shifted uncomfortably. "Didn't we have "The Talk" a couple of years ago? I thought we covered everything."

"Relax, Dad," said Bill quickly. "It's not about sex, precisely. What I want to know is, how exactly do you talk to a girl without making a total prat of yourself? It seems like every time I get near a girl, something stupid comes out of my mouth."

"Ah," said Arthur knowingly. He gestured to a couple of dusty crates. "Have a seat."

Bill dusted off one of the crates and sat down. He watched as his father rummaged around his shelves. Just as he was wondering whether he had made the right decision to talk to his father, Arthur shouted, "Here it is!" Bill saw him pull a small, rectangular object off one of the shelves. He blew the dust off of it and tucked it under his arm.

"Bill," his father began, "I'm about to share something very important with you." He thrust the dusty object into Bill's arms. "I won your mother's heart thanks to this book."

Bill looked down at the old book in his hands. He read the grimy cover out loud. "_Twelve Fail Safe Ways to Charm Witches_." He looked up at his father. "Does it work?" asked Bill doubtfully.

"Does it work?" repeated Arthur, incredulous. "Of course it works." He pushed his glasses up. "Back at Hogwarts your mother was extremely popular."

Bill's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" he asked.

Arthur chuckled. "I know you may find it hard to believe, her being your mum and all."

Bill's grinned apologetically. "It _is_ hard to think of Mum that way," he conceded.

"Well, believe me; Molly Prewett had wizards falling all over themselves to get to her." He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Even Lucius Malfoy noticed her."

"Wait," said Bill, brow furrowed, "You were in school with Lucius Malfoy?"

"Yes," answered Arthur. "Of course, he was just a first year when your Mum and I were fifth years, but he was a cheeky, little bast- er...bugger even then." Bill stifled a laugh with a cough as his father's face grew dark. "Not that your mother would have anything to do with the likes of him." Bill grimaced in sympathy with his father. "If it wasn't for _Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_," said Arthur, tapping the book in Bill's hands, "I might never have plucked up the courage to talk to your mum."

Bill looked down at the little book in his hands. "Wow," he murmured.

Arthur grinned. "I'm just lucky that Uncle Bilius decided to share it with me."

Bill glanced up at his father, startled. "U-uncle Bilius?" he stammered. "But I thought he never married."

"Not from lack of opportunity," said Arthur quickly. "Your Uncle Bilius was quite popular with the witches. Why, he even courted Auntie Muriel after your Uncle Octavius passed away."

Bill's eyes widened. "No way! Auntie Muriel?"

"Yes," said Arthur, nodding vigorously. "We almost had another Prewett/Weasley match for a while there."

Bill let out a long, low whistle. "What happened with them? Why didn't it work out?"

Arthur's grin faded slightly. "Well, you know what Uncle Bilius was like. He was a little, er…"

"Mad?" said Bill helpfully.

"Unique," Arthur corrected him. "Of course you know Auntie Muriel's a bit …er...set in her ways. They just couldn't work things out between them. But that just goes to show you, that book even worked on Auntie Muriel."

Bill stood up, clutching the book to him reverently. "Thanks, Dad. I'm going to start reading it right now." He stood up to go.

Arthur patted him on the back. Just as Bill reached the door of the shed, he called out, "Bill?"

"Yes?"

"I know Charlie's a bit young yet," said Arthur, "but why don't you share that with him when his time comes."

Bill nodded enthusiastically. "I will, Dad." He left the shed, eager to start reading.


	2. Chapter 2  Charlie

**Required Reading for Redheads**

**By Poppy P**

**A/N - Ok, I must confess that I had a very childish moment prior to posting this where I wanted to write: Ch 3 will not be posted until I've received at least 10 reviews. However, that's not very mature and totally unfair to the lovely people that did review. But if you read it and liked it (even if you didn't like it but have something constructive to say) please review. It is much appreciated. **

**Chapter 2: Charlie**

The quiet of the Gryffindor Common Room study hour was shattered as a girl screeched, "Charles Weasley, you are an idiot! Don't you ever talk to me again!" This was immediately followed by a loud, resounding slap.

Bill looked up from his books in time to see a very irritated fifth year girl flouncing away towards the girls' staircase. Bill marked his place in his Arithmancy textbook and rose from his seat, heading towards his younger brother. He scowled at the Gryffindors who were giggling at Charlie's predicament.

Bill sat down next to his brother, who was still rubbing his scarlet cheek. "What was that all about?" he asked.

"Girls!" said Charlie, horror stricken. "They're mental!"

"What did you say to her?" asked Bill, slightly concerned. Brother or not, as Head Boy he could hardly let it slide if Charlie was harassing girls.

"I gave her a bloody compliment," said Charlie, taking his hand away from his reddened cheek. "I thought all witches loved compliments."

Bill's eyes narrowed. "Exactly how did you compliment her?" he asked.

"Well," began Charlie, "First, I complimented her eyes. I told her they were as bright as stars."

"That's good," said Bill, nodding encouragingly.

"Next, I told her that her hair was as soft and shiny as a unicorn's tail. Th-then…sh-she j-just slapped me," stuttered Charlie, bewildered. "What did I do wrong?"

From Charlie's indignant look, it was clear that he was not expecting his normally sympathetic brother to burst into side splitting laughter.

"Oi!" called their eleven-year-old brother Percy from a table across the room. "Keep it down!" Although Percy was only in his first year he was already earning a reputation as the 'brainy Weasley'. "Some of us are trying to study!"

"Shut up Percy!" yelled Bill and Charlie in unison. They looked at each other and grinned.

"So," said Charlie, "what did I do wrong?"

Bill tried to suppress a smile. "The first compliment was on the mark, but the second one…"

"What was wrong with it?" interrupted Charlie hotly. "Unicorns are beautiful. Girls love them."

Bill snorted. "You compared her hair to a unicorn's arse!"

"I did n-" began Charlie hotly. He came to an abrupt stop, a look of comprehension dawning on his freckled face. "I did, didn't I?" groaned Charlie, covering his face with his hands. "I'm lucky she only slapped me once."

"Don't worry about it," said Bill, patting Charlie's shoulder.

"Easy for you to say," said Charlie resentfully. "You've never had any trouble with the witches."

"That's not true," protested Bill. "When I was fifteen, I was as clueless an arse as you are."

"Thanks," said Charlie, with a sardonic grin. "So tell me, what made you the great 'love god' you are today?"

"Dad's secret weapon," said Bill quietly.

Charlie inclined his head, the doubt written all over his freckled face. "You're having me on. What are you talking about?"

"Seriously," said Bill. "Dad gave me a little book called _Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_. It's the secret to my success."

"You're yanking my wand," said Charlie with a grin, shaking his head.

"I'm not," said Bill sincerely. "Dad swears that book is the reason he got together with Mum. Apparently, none of us would be here if it wasn't for that book."

Charlie squeezed his eyes shut. "Ergh! Bill, I just had a horrible mental image. Would you mind not speaking of Mum and Dad that way? " He shook himself.

"No, really," said Bill. "You know that slimy git, Lucius Malfoy?"

Charlie tilted his head to the side, thinking. "That rich bloke that gives money to the Ministry all the time?"

Bill nodded. "Dad reckons he was after Mum back in their Hogwarts days."

"No way!"

"Yes."

Charlie was silent for a second, contemplating this bit of information. "So where's this amazing book anyway?"

"It's up in my trunk, come on." Bill started to get up, but hesitated. "I'll let you have the book on one condition."

"What's that?" asked Charlie.

"You have to pass it on to Percy some day."

They both looked over at their younger brother. Percy was so intent on his Transfiguration textbook that his nose was practically touching the pages. He also had a splatter of blue ink on his left cheek.

"Do you really suppose he'll need it?" asked Charlie skeptically.

Bill looked doubtful as well. "He _is_ a Weasley after all. Maybe he'll surprise us someday."

"If you say so," said Charlie, following Bill up the boys' staircase.

"Come on," said Bill. "The book has a whole chapter on how to compliment witches." He smirked, rushing up the steps, out of Charlie's reach. "Perhaps the next time you compliment a girl you can even do it without getting slapped."

"Har, har," said Charlie dismissively, quite used to brotherly teasing. "Just give me that book."


	3. Chapter 3 Percy

Required Reading for Redheads

By Poppy P

Chapter 3 - Percy

_A/N: I own nothing. Reviews are much appreciated. _

"I guess you'll have the room all to yourself now," said Charlie, turning towards Percy.

"Finally," said Percy. "I've been waiting my whole life to have my own room."

"Nice to know that you're going to miss me, prat" said Charlie with a wry grin. He slammed the lid down on his trunk. It took him a while to get it shut as his mother had insisted that he take plenty of blankets and clean socks with him to Romania. "Besides, I shouldn't get too comfortable. Bill and I'll still be here for the occasional holiday."

"Yes," said Percy, stretching out on his bed, hands behind his head, "but in the meantime, I'll have the room all to myself."

Charlie let out a short, incredulous laugh. "Did you know that Mum actually suggested to the twins that one of them should move in here with you?"

Percy sat up, eyes wide behind his horned rimmed glasses. "What? Why?" he asked, his voice shooting up an octave.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. She said perhaps they'd behave themselves better if they spent some time apart."

"B-b-but..." Percy stammered.

Charlie grinned. "That was Fred and George's reaction as well."

Percy lay back down slowly. "Thank God," he said with a sigh of relief.

Charlie laughed. "Lucky for me, I only had to put up with them at Hogwarts for one year. You on the other hand, still have them for three more years."

Percy sat up and reached for the badge sitting on his bedside table. "Yes, well, now that I'm a Prefect, perhaps I can keep them in line a bit."

Charlie shook his head as he watched his younger brother lovingly polish his badge. "Dream on," he muttered. Percy chose to ignore him.

Suddenly, Charlie went to the door of their room, looked out in the hall and shut the door. "Listen, Perce," he said, perching on the end of his younger brother's bed. "I have to give you something."

"What is it?" asked Percy curiously.

"I won't be here for your birthday next week, so I thought I'd give you an early present," said Charlie, pulling a battered book out of his back pocket. He tossed it to Percy.

"_Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_," read Percy slowly. "What is this?" he asked.

"That is pure gold, that's what it is," said Charlie with conviction.

"Where did you get it?" asked Percy, a scarlet flush creeping from his neck to his ears, "and d-does it work?"

Charlie grinned. "Bill gave it to me back when I was a young and innocent fifth year."

"And why would I need this?" asked Percy, his ears practically glowing.

"Only because it's the best book you'll ever read," said Charlie, eyes wide and earnest. "Besides," he added hesitantly, "you do like girls, don't you?"

"Of course I like girls," countered Percy, indignant. "I'll have you know, I happen to like a specific girl." Percy's face now matched his ears.

"Who is she?" asked Charlie, intrigued.

"I'm not telling you," said Percy mulishly, tossing the book back to Charlie.

"Aw, come on Perce. I'm not in school anymore. I'm not going to tease you or anything," said Charlie. "I'm trying to help you." He pressed the book back in Percy's hands.

Percy hesitated, obviously torn between keeping his secret and bragging about his budding romance. The urge to brag seemed to finally win because he burst out, "Her name is Penny, Penelope Clearwater. She's a Ravenclaw. She's going to be in fourth year."

"Peter Clearwater's little sister?" asked Charlie, remembering a Ravenclaw boy in his year. Percy nodded. "Good for you, Perce!"

Percy smiled, though his face had reached an impossible shade of scarlet.

Charlie's grin faltered slightly. He was surprised, but pleased about the state of his brother's romance, but he was also concerned about him as well. "Does she like you back?" he asked tactfully.

"Well," began Percy, "we started studying in the library together for end of term exams. She's very intelligent you know. She'll probably make Prefect next year as well." He looked quite smug at the thought.

"Merlin, Percy," said Charlie, somewhat uncertain, "it seems like you have it all under control. Perhaps you don't need the book after all." He took the book from Percy's hands.

"Let's not be too hasty," said Percy, reaching for the book. Charlie handed it to him. "Penny and I are just good friends, but I'd like to…er…be more."

"Have you kissed her yet?" asked Charlie bluntly.

"No," said Percy, eyes firm on the book in his hands. He finally looked up at Charlie. "But I really want to."

"Then the book _can_ help you," said Charlie with confidence. "It helped me. It's all in there."

"You learned how to kiss from a book?" asked Percy, a slight smile starting at the corner of his mouth.

"You have to get some practical work in as well," admitted Charlie, "but the book will get you started. Just remember, you have to pass it on to the twins next." Percy's face clouded slightly. "What?" asked Charlie.

Percy shrugged. "They're popular. Why would they need a book like this? They'll probably tell me to piss off."

"Every wizard needs this book," said Charlie sagely. "Did you know that without it, Mum would've never married Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Bill said that without this book, we might've been Malfoys instead of Weasleys!" said Charlie with a shudder.

"Come again?" said Percy, incredulously.

"Oh yeah, Dad told Bill all about it." said Charlie. "Apparently Mum and Dad were at Hogwarts with Lucius Malfoy. I think they even dueled over Mums hand! Or something like that." He waved his hand dismissively. "Don't quite remember all the details. But the point is, that little book helped win Mum's heart."

"Blimey," said Percy, looking at the book reverently. "I'll make sure to pass this on to Fred and George then." Percy opened the cover and scanned the first couple of pages. "Er...Charlie?"

"Yeah?"

"Where was that chapter on kissing?"


	4. Chapter 4 Fred & George

**Required Reading for Redheads**

**By Poppy P**

**Chapter 4 - Fred and George**

_**A/N: If you recognize something from the books, I don't own it. A big thank you to those that have reviewed, put this on alert or put it on your favourites. It's very heartening. A shout out to Jollyfish who gave me the idea of Ron possibly needing **_**more than one book :)**

"Piss off Percy!" said Fred angrily. "You're not Big Head Boy anymore!"

"You can't tell us what to do!" said George, glaring.

Percy pushed his horned rimmed glasses up and said, "I'm still your older brother, and I know Mum won't like it when she hears that you've been bothering Mr. Bagman."

George rolled his eyes. "So don't tell her then."

"Are you done now?" asked Fred, irritably "because Angelina's waiting for me." He gestured towards the Great Hall where the Yule Ball was in full swing.

"Actually," said Percy, colouring slightly, "I wanted to give you a Christmas present."

The twins exchanged a look of doubt.

"Why didn't you just send it to us this morning?" asked Fred.

"I…I w-wanted to give it you in person," stammered Percy.

"It's not one of your stupid, thick bottomed cauldrons, is it?" asked George.

"Or a hug?" Fred took a step away from Percy, looking both terrified and disgusted.

"No, no," protested Percy reaching into the pocket of his dress robes. He withdrew a small, battered book.

"A book!" said the twins.

"Not just any book!" said Percy quickly. "Charlie gave it to me and now it's time I passed it on to you two." He handed the book to George who held it away from himself as though it were a Blast-Ended Screwt.

"_Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_," read George, "What is this?"

"There comes a time in every young man's life when he begins to take notice of the opposite sex…" began Percy pompously.

"So when does your time come?" interrupted Fred.

"Nice one," said George, giving his twin a high five.

Percy felt stung, but felt he owed it to Charlie and Bill to try again. "No, listen," he pleaded, "it's a good book. It's has some great advice and…"

Fred cut him off again. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm the one that's here with a date. Who did you come with?"

"Penelope Clearwater's over at a table by herself," said George, "Why didn't you ask her to be your date?"

"I am a Ministry official," said Percy, tugging at the collar of his new dress robes. "I can't very well be seen fraternizing with students. I'm here representing Mr. Crouch."

George shook his head sadly. "That's just pathetic, Perce."

"Here's the deal," said Fred with a smirk, "the day I ask you for advice about the witches is the day I jump off the Astronomy Tower." He turned to his twin. "Come on George. We've wasted enough dancing time." He turned on his heel and headed back into the Great Hall.

Feeling dejected, Percy turned away and made for the great oak doors. He had just reached them when he heard George call out, "Percy, wait!"

Startled, Percy turned back to see George sprinting towards him. "What do you want?" asked Percy.

"This book," said George, holding it out slightly. "Does it really work?"

"What do you care?" asked Percy, rather spitefully. "Don't you have to get back to your date?"

Uncharacteristically, George flushed to the roots of his flaming hair. "I don't have a date," he muttered. "Couldn't get one."

"What do you mean?" asked Percy, scrutinizing his younger brother closely. Percy felt slightly guilty about the fact that George was obviously wearing some of Charlie's old dress robes. They were well cared for and the right length, but slightly loose around the chest. He shook himself. The state of his brothers' robes was really none of his business. "But you're popular. Everyone likes you and Fred."

"Not everyone," said George miserably. "I sort of…fancied this girl in Ravenclaw. She's in Penny's year. I asked her to the Ball, but she turned me down."

"Did she say why?" asked Percy, surprised by George's atypical awkwardness.

George blushed even further. "She said something like, 'If I wanted to go out with a clown, I'd join the circus.'" George looked up at Percy, perplexed. "I'm not even sure what a circus is. Must be a Muggle thing."

"That was harsh," said Percy with genuine sympathy.

George nodded, "Yeah, after that I kind of lost my nerve and didn't have the stones to ask anyone else out." He looked up quickly, obviously mortified at having admitted all of this to Percy. "You'd better not tell anyone about this, or I swear I'll…I'll…" he stammered, trying to think of something to threaten Percy with.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," said Percy, taking care to look his brother in the eye. "You know I wouldn't do that."

George grinned, reassured. "Thanks. I told Fred that I wanted to be a free agent so I could dance with as many witches as possible." He gestured over his shoulder towards the festivities in the Great Hall. "You should go and talk to Penny. I bet she'd like the company."

Percy shook his head. "I told you already, I can't. I'm here on Ministry business."

George looked like he was fighting with himself not to answer. Finally he said, "So Charlie gave you this book?"

Percy smiled. "Yes. He got it from Bill who got it from Dad."

"No kidding?" asked George, surprised. "Why would Dad need a book like this? I thought he and Mum have been together since they were what? About five?"

"According to Charlie, they weren't always together. Apparently, Mum and Lucius Malfoy were an item during Hogwarts," said Percy, in a tone of disgust.

"What?" asked George, looking fascinated and nauseous at the same time. "Our mother and Lucius Malfoy?"

"Oh yes, Charlie told me all about it. This book," said Percy, tapping the cover in George's hands, "helped Dad steal Mum right out from under Lucius Malfoy's nose."

"Wicked!" said George looking down at the book in his hands as though it were gold. "I can't wait to tell Fred about Mum."

Percy turned to go but stopped abruptly as he spotted Ron walking by with Harry. Both of the younger boys looked glum. He turned back to George. "Say George?"

"Yeah?" asked George, looking up from the book in his hands.

"Do us a favour and share that book with Ron when you're done with it." said Percy, gesturing discreetly towards their younger brother.

George looked in the direction that Percy was indicating and said, "Sure thing bro, although from the look of it, I think ickle Ronniekins is going to need a whole library."

Percy grinned, clapped George on the back and headed out into the frosty night.

_**A/N 2: Fred and George get two chapters because there's two of them obviously and because I love them. And once again, reviews are much appreciated. **_


	5. Chapter 5 Fred & George pt 2

**Required Reading for Redheads**

**By Poppy P**

**Chapter 5 - Fred & George Part 2**

_A/N: Please, please review! I own nothing except my children and a Harry Potter shower curtain rod, (Weird but true!)_

Fred and George walked up the lane to the Burrow looking forward to their mother's Sunday dinner. The walk was long due to the fact that they had to Apparate quite a distance away. With Bill and Fleur's wedding only days away and Harry Potter's impending arrival, security had been tightened considerably at the Burrow.

Fred was actually enjoying the walk; the late afternoon sun was warm on his back and he was looking forward to spending time with his family. Suddenly they came upon Ginny sitting listlessly on their old tree swing. She was staring off into the distance, scraping the toe of her worn trainer in the dirt.

"Look Fred, it's our favourite sister," said George, grabbing the top of the swing and twirling the ropes before letting them go so that Ginny spun around wildly.

"Go away!" said Ginny petulantly.

"But I thought you looked forward to our weekly visits," said Fred in an injured tone.

"What's little Ginny doing all by herself anyway?" asked George.

"Wondering why I couldn't be an only child," retorted Ginny. "Why couldn't I have had six sisters instead? Or perhaps a nice cat?"

"We tried to trade Ron for a Kneazle," said Fred, "but Mum wouldn't let us."

Ginny kicked at the dirt under the swing. "Don't even mention that arsehole to me."

"Why?" asked George. "What's wrong with him now?"

"Besides the usual," said Fred, starting to push Ginny on the swing gently.

"We just had a huge row," said Ginny as she began to swing. The motion seemed to soothe her somewhat. "He claims it's all my fault that he mucked up things with Hermione this year."

"How does he figure that?" asked George, as Fred continued to push Ginny on the swing.

"Well, apparently he went out with that Lavender cow to punish Hermione just because I'd told him that she snogged Krum two years ago."

"You did what?" demanded Fred, grabbing the ropes of the swing bringing Ginny to a jangling stop.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?" asked Ginny angrily.

"Why would you tell Ron about Krum?" asked George. "That must've been like a knife to the gut for him."

"Even we've never been that cold to him," said Fred, giving her a harsh look.

"Says the idiot who fed him an acid pop," responded Ginny quickly.

"Fair enough," agreed Fred, "but did you have to rub in the Krum thing?"

"He was being a total prat!" said Ginny, eyes sparkling with anger. "He walked in on Dean and I and he…"

"What were you doing?" interrupted Fred in a stern voice.

"What were you doing with Angelina behind the greenhouses that time I caught you?" asked Ginny obstinately.

"None of your business!" said Fred, going scarlet and casting a quick glance at his twin.

"Exactly," said Ginny, eyes narrowed in triumph.

"Where does this Dean live again?" asked George, cracking his knuckles.

"Oh stop," said Ginny with a tired sigh. "Besides, I'm not going out with Dean anymore."

"Good," said Fred hastily almost missing Ginny's next words.

"And I'm not going out with Harry anymore either."

"Come again?" asked George.

"I broke up with Dean," said Ginny slowly, as though she were talking to a pair of two-year-olds.

"No, the next part," said Fred.

"I was going out with Harry…" said Ginny.

"Potter?" asked George.

Fred and Ginny cast him a disparaging look. "Bit slow today, aren't we?" asked Ginny.

"Blimey, Sis," said Fred punching her lightly on the arm. "You've been gone on him for ages. Why'd you dump him?"

"I didn't," said Ginny, starting to swing again, avoiding both of their gazes. "He dumped me."

Fred and George exchanged a look of concern over Ginny's head.

"Gin," began George in a sympathetic voice.

"Just don't!" said Ginny harshly, her voice steady again. "Anyway, it's hard to have a relationship when the fate of the entire wizarding world is in your hands. You know Harry and his damn sense of nobility."

"Well," said George philosophically, "it beats being chucked for another girl."

"Or because you smell," said Fred with a smirk.

Ginny gave them a slightly watery smile. "Thanks, you buggers."

"Don't mention it," said George. "Now we'd better go straighten out ickle Ronniekins."

"Yes, we should definitely share the benefit of our experience with him," said Fred, turning towards the house.

Ginny let out a derisive snort. "What are you going to do? Give him your copy of _Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches?_"

Fred and George stopped in their tracks. "How do you know about the book?" they asked.

Ginny laughed. "Who do you think packed your trunks after you left Hogwarts?"

"What did you do?" asked Fred, "rifle through our stuff?"

"Yes," said Ginny without a hint of remorse.

"That book is a Weasley Man secret," said George, indignant.

"That piece of rubbish?" asked Ginny incredulously.

"It's not rubbish," said George. "If it weren't for that book, you'd have Malfoy as a brother instead of us."

"What?" asked Ginny, incredulous.

Fred nodded fervently. "I admit that I wasn't too sure about the book when Percy gave it to us, but now…"

"Wait," interrupted Ginny. "You two took Percy's advice on matters of the heart?"

"I know what you're thinking," said Fred quickly, "but this was _before_ he became a heartless bastard."

"The book really works," said George earnestly.

"You watch," said Fred, tweaking Ginny's nose, earning himself a hard slap on the hand, "Ouch! We'll straighten Ronniekins out in no time."

"Ten Sickles he asks Hermione to dance at the wedding," said George, holding out his hand.

"You're on," said Ginny, shaking his hand. "But I'll tell you one thing, if a wizard tried those old fashioned, sexist tricks on me, he'd be sorry."

Fred knew better than to get his sister started, he merely said, "See you later, Gin," and headed towards the house with George right behind him.


	6. Chapter 6 Ron

**Required Reading for Redheads**

**By Poppy P**

**Chapter 6 - Ron**

_**A/N: It's Ron's turn. A huge thank you to those of you that have reviewed; you are awesome in so many ways. A special thank you to Punzie the Platypus for the inspiring reviews. I changed the rating on this because Fred and George being Fred and George, got a little risqué. Nothing too bad though. As always, I do not own Harry Potter. Please review or I will forced to send you a picture of me dancing naked in a tea cozy (not a pretty sight!).**_

They were approaching Ron's room when George put a hand out to stop Fred. "Shush," he whispered, "It's Dad."

They heard their father's voice coming through Ron's open door. He wasn't shouting, but there was something in his voice that made them hesitant to enter the room.

"I understand your decision son, but I can't say that I'm thrilled about it. If you could just tell us what the mission involves…"

"I can't, you know that," came Ron's voice. "I already told you and Kingsley that Dumbledore wanted this kept secret. I'm sorry, Dad."

"You understand that I can't keep your mother from hounding you about this. The fact that you're dropping out of school is going to be hard for her to accept," said Arthur. "Not to mention that Harry and Hermione won't be finishing their last year either."

Out on the landing, Fred and George exchanged identical looks of astonishment.

"I know, but Dumbledore left Harry this mission and we have to go with him. I know that this is going to put the family in danger and I'm sorry but…."

"You just worry about getting yourselves home safely," said Arthur. "It would kill your mother if something happened to one of you." There was a momentary pause. "It would kill me too," said their father thickly, his voice hoarse.

Fred felt a lump rise in his throat at the sadness in their father's voice. He couldn't bring himself to look at George for fear that he would see his emotions mirrored in him. They heard Ron's bed-springs creak. Perhaps Ron had risen to give their father a hug, Fred thought. It's what he would've done.

After a moment, Ron spoke again. "I have given it some thought though and I think I've come up with a plan that might work. For a while, at least."

"What is it?"

"I thought we could transfigure the ghoul in the attic to look like me. That way, we could spread the word that I have Spattergroit and when they come looking for me, they'll think the ghoul is me," said Ron quickly. "You know they'll come for me once I don't show up to Hogwarts. They probably won't swallow it forever, but it'll buy the family some time."

"It's as good a plan as any, but it won't be easy to transfigure a ghoul. Very tough skins you know," said Arthur.

"We'll help."

Without even discussing it, both Fred and George had stepped through the threshold of Ron's room.

"Boys," said Arthur, startled. "Why are you lurking outside of Ron's door?"

"We weren't lurking," said Fred, taken aback by their father's harsh tone.

"We came here to talk to Ron," said George defensively. "We couldn't help it if you were talking with the door open."

"But we want to help," finished Fred.

"I'm…I'm sorry boys," stammered Arthur rising from Ron's bed. He reached out and ruffled each of the twins' hair, a gesture he hadn't done in many years. "I daresay we could use your help with that ghoul. You _are _experts at Transfiguration after all," he said with pride. "Why don't we tackle it after dinner?" The three brothers nodded. He grinned bravely at his three youngest sons before leaving the room.

Fred waited until the sound of their fathers' footsteps had faded before turning to Ron. "So you're dropping out then?"

"Yeah, so what?" asked Ron, rather obstinately.

"Oh no complaints from us," said George quickly. "We're just proud that you're finally living up to our example." He pounded Ron on the back before dropping down on the bed.

"Besides," added Fred, "we didn't come to talk about school. We came to give you some valuable advice." Ron snorted. "Seriously, you're going to need it especially now that you're going on your mission with Hermione."

"It's Harry's mission," said Ron, his ears colouring, "and what advice can you give me about her?"

"Remember that book that we gave you for your birthday?" asked George. "We left it by your bedside when we went to see you in the hospital wing."

"_Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches,_" said Fred. "You read it, didn't you?"

"I've never even opened that stupid thing," said Ron. "I figured it was one of your pranks. I thought if I opened it, spiders would crawl out of it or something so I just threw it in my trunk."

"He never read the book," said George, aghast.

"No wonder you mucked it up with Hermione so badly," said Fred, shaking his head sorrowfully.

"It was stupid Ginny's fault!" said Ron hotly. "She's the one that had to go and tell me about Hermione snogging Krum. She failed to mention that it was one time, two years ago. Didn't give me that little nugget of info until I'd been going out with Lav for three months."

"So why didn't you chuck her when you found out the truth?" asked George.

"I couldn't, could I?" said Ron, running his hand through his hair. "Every time I tried to bring it up, Lavender stuck her tongue down my throat."

"Poor baby," said Fred with a snicker.

"That's why you were supposed to read the book, you great, stupid, prat," said George, thumping Ron on the head.

"The book shows you how to chuck girls?" asked Ron as he rubbed his head.

"Yes, it does," said Fred. "There's a whole chapter on letting witches down easily. You say something like, 'It's not you, it's me. I'm just not good enough for you.'" He wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "They eat that stuff up."

Ron nodded, pensively. "That is good. And you learned that from this book?"

"Yes," said George enthusiastically. "I'm telling you, every wizard needs this book."

"Where did you get it?" asked Ron.

"From Percy." Fred spoke quickly to quell Ron's outraged look, "and I know what you're thinking, but he got it from Charlie, who got it from Bill, who got it from Dad."

"Dad used this book?" Ron looked confused. "Why?"

"Apparently," began Fred, "this book helped him snatch Mum from the clutches of Lucius Malfoy!"

"No way!"

"We're not kidding," said George. "Remember that fight Dad had with Malfoy at Flourish and Blotts?"

"Yeah," said Ron, nodding.

"Well that wasn't just about Malfoy insulting Muggles," said George wisely.

"Dad was defending his woman," said Fred with admiration.

"Wow," whispered Ron. "I guess I'll give the book a try then." He shifted, uncomfortably. "Well, you know about me leaving with Harry and Hermione?" The twins nodded gravely, the playful mood completely gone. "I'll be spending a lot of time in close proximity with her, since we'll be on the run and all."

"W-will you be…leaving soon?" asked George solemnly.

Ron nodded in confirmation. "I reckon we'll leave after the wedding."

George gave him a half-hearted grin. "Just make sure you come back, all right? Hermione and Harry too. You've sort of grown on us."

"Like mould," said Fred, trying for a grin as well, "or a pimple."

There was an awkward pause between them. Fred felt like there were many things he should say to his younger brother, but they just wouldn't come. He settled for a weak laugh. "Feels like we should hug or something."

Instantly, the three brothers took a step back from each other. George grinned genuinely this time. "How about a manly punch on the arm then?" Fred and George each raised a fist and gave Ron a jarring punch on both of his upper arms.

"Ow! Gits!" he said, rubbing his arms vigorously.

Fred's stomach growled loudly. "Let's go down to dinner."

"Just a sec," said Ron, continuing to rub his upper arms. "Where can I get a copy of _Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_?"

"Why?" asked George with a bemused expression. "We gave you a copy, remember? Brand new one too 'cause Fred wore our copy out after Angelina dumped him last year."

"Oi!" said Fred in protest as Ron and George exchanged a smirk. "She did not dump me. We're on a mutually agreed upon, indefinite break."

"Who knew she wouldn't appreciate catching you and Verity doing the deed in the back of the shop," said George musingly.

"Wait," said Ron, "you and Verity? She's your employee, isn't she?"

"Fred was giving her some extra 'training'," said George, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You 'trained' her too!" said Fred quickly.

"Well, yeah," admitted George, unabashed, "that's why we gave her a raise. But I didn't let my bird catch me doing it, right?"

"Anyway," said Fred loudly, changing the subject, "why do you need another copy of the book?

"Harry's birthday is coming up," said Ron, "and I was just thinking, that book would make an excellent gift for him."

"We've started stocking the book at the shop. It's one of our top sellers," said Fred. "I suppose we can give you a discount on one." Ron scowled.

"Okay, okay," said George, winking at Fred, "We'll give you another copy of the book, free of charge, _if_ you promise to ask Hermione to dance at the wedding."

Ron flushed violently scarlet. "D-dance?" he asked, terror written all over his face. "But I don't know how to dance."

"Then pay up," said Fred, hand extended. "That'll be five galleons for the book."

"Fine, I'll dance with Hermione," said Ron grumpily. "Just make sure you send me a copy of the book before we bring Harry home next week."

"Will do," said Fred. "George, what's wrong?" he asked, seeing George frown.

"I'm conflicted," said George, brow furrowed. "You _do _realize, that most likely Harry will be using the book to woo our little sister, right?"

The three brothers contemplated this silently for several seconds.

"He's not a bad kid, I suppose," said George fairly.

"He's my best mate," said Ron.

"And the 'Chosen One'," said Fred.

"Yeah, there is that," conceded George.

"Could've been worse, really," said Ron with a shrug, "She could've chosen someone like Malfoy."

"Malfoy!" exclaimed the twins with a look of horror.

"What about Malfoy?" asked Ginny, walking into the room suddenly, causing them all to jump. "Mum called you down to dinner ages ago. Why are you lot still up here?"

Fred, George and Ron froze, identical looks of guilt on their faces.

"What were you talking about?" asked Ginny, eyes narrowed. "You weren't talking about the state of my love life, were you?" She tapped her foot, waiting for an answer.

"Don't be stupid," said Fred, recovering first. "What does Malfoy have to do with your love life?"

Ginny crossed her arms, giving Fred an appraising look before she said, "Fine. Let's just go on down to dinner then. I'm starved."

Fred and George looked at each other over Ginny's head and exchanged a silent, but relieved, sigh of relief. They followed Ginny down the stairs.

"That was close," whispered Ron, just behind Fred and George. "Too bad you don't have a book about dealing with mental sisters, now that would be a best-seller."

"What was that Ron?" asked Ginny sharply, stopping her decent downstairs.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

_**A/N 2: This is where I beg for reviews again (please, please, please!). Also, I've written another story, "Keep On Fighting" which is where the twins actually give the book to Ron. Warning - it isn't a humorous story. More like angst and grief. I'm going to give this story one more chapter and it will be second generation. **_


	7. Chapter 7 James

**Required Reading for Redheads**

**Chapter 7 - Ginny and James**

_**A/N: The end. Technically, this story should've stopped with the last chapter, but I really hated to think of the idea of the book going away after Ron gave it to Harry. Chapters 1-6 were written, beta'd and Brit-picked five years ago. I wrote this last chapter recently and it is neither beta'd nor Brit-picked. Please let me know if there are any glaring errors. **_

_**A big thank you to all who have reviewed/followed this story/added it to your favourites. I has been a pleasure to return to writing HP fanfiction. **_

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><p>Ginny crossed her arms, giving her fifteen year old son an appraising look as he made to cut his fourth slice of chocolate cake. James had, uncharacteristically, just turned down his father's offer of a trip to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes for some pre-Christmas shopping. His siblings had eagerly accepted and left with their father. James sat, shovelling forkful after forkful of cake into his mouth, with a far-off look.<p>

"What?" asked James, finally feeling his mother's stare.

"James Sirius, what is the matter with you?" she asked.

"I like chocolate cake," he said, affronted, "and I'm hungry!

"Not even your Uncle Ron could tuck away four slices of cake. It's obvious that something's bothering you." Ginny joined him at their kitchen table, a cup of tea in her hand. "Go on, tell Mum all about it."

James rolled his eyes at his mother's coddling then sighed heavily. "You wouldn't understand," he said, dragging his fork through his cake, without taking a bite.

"Try me," said Ginny evenly.

James made to say something, but hesitated and shook his head. "Nah, you wouldn't understand," he repeated, looking back down at his cake.

"Is this about a girl?" asked Ginny, gently.

James looked up, wide-eyed. "How did you know?"

"I'm your mother," said Ginny, with a knowing look. "I know everything."

James rolled his eyes again.

Ginny smiled. "So, do you want to talk about your girl problems?"

He grimaced.

"Fine, fine," said Ginny, "I was just offering because I was a girl once too you know."

"I know you're a girl!" protested James.

Ginny laughed. "Good, at least you're better off then your Uncle Ron was then." James gave her a blank look. "Long story. Anyway, why don't you talk to your father about your troubles?"

James shook his head sadly. "He wouldn't understand either."

"Why ever not?" asked Ginny, sipping her tea.

"What would Dad know about girl troubles?" asked James. "You were together since what? You were both ten years old?"

"Not exactly accurate, but go on," said Ginny.

"And anyway, even if you hadn't been an item since your first year, it was easy for him," said James, vehemently.

"What do you mean, 'easy'?" asked Ginny, taken aback.

"Well he was always rescuing you, doing something heroic, right?" asked James. "Always a basilisk to slay or a dementor to fight off. Then there was the war. It was all easy for him."

"Yes, ridding the world of Voldemort and saving the entire wizarding world was a piece of cake," said Ginny sarcastically. She slapped the table hard, her tea cup clattering against the saucer. "Do you even listen to yourself when you talk?"

James waved a hand dismissively. "You know what I mean."

"Son, let me set the record straight," began Ginny. "For your information, your father and I have _not _been together since we were ten. I fancied him, yes, but we were not each other's first boyfriend or girlfriend, nor even our first kiss."

"What do you mean?" asked James, astounded. "You both went out with other people?" Ginny nodded. "You kissed other blokes?" Ginny nodded again. James looked as though he was in danger of losing his three slices of chocolate cake.

"I didn't know that," said James. "I thought you were always together."

"We dated during my fifth year, Dad was in sixth. Then we broke up." Ginny's mouth thinned into a sad line. "We got back together after the war, but it was slow going. We both had a lot of things to work through."

"Like what?" asked James, obviously fascinated with this insight into his parents.

Ginny took several seconds before she answered, sipping her tea and setting the cup down deliberately. "Dad started Auror training and I had to finish my last year at Hogwarts. It's not easy having a long distance relationship you know." Ginny continued, "Then I signed on with the Harpies so I travelled quite a bit."

"But you worked it out?" asked James.

"Of course," said Ginny, smiling again. "You're here aren't you? And Al and Lil."

"So how did Dad go about winning the heart of the indomitable Ginevra Weasley?" asked James, with a grin, starting on his cake again.

Ginny giggled like a young girl. "Well, I'll tell you how he _didn't _do it."

"What do y-" James was cut off as the kitchen fire roared into life with a rush of green flames.

The tall, lanky frame of Ron Weasley stepped out of the fireplace, dusting ashes off of his robes. "All right Ginny? James? Hermione's driving me spare, cooking up a storm for Sunday dinner at the Burrow. I dunno why she bothers as Mum always cooks more than enough. She sent me here to borrow your largest pan though."

"I'll grab it for you in a sec. I was just about to tell James here about that ridiculous book you boys passed around to each other. What was it called? Something about charms for witches?" Ginny pointed her wand at the kettle on the stove as she spoke. A cup of tea settled in front of Ron shortly.

Ron pulled up a chair next to James, straddling it backwards as he reached for his tea. After a noisy sip he asked, "Are you talking about _Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_?" He eyed James' cake keenly. "You wouldn't happen to have some more of that cake, would you?"

"That's the one!" said Ginny, cutting a large slice of cake for Ron. "The twins gave you the book for your birthday didn't they?"

"That's right," said Ron. "And I gave Harry a copy for his seventeenth birthday."

"You gave Dad a book for his birthday?" asked James, slightly disgusted. "Did Aunt Hermione put you up to it?"

"My birthday present to him was so much better," said Ginny with a coy smile.

"What was it?" asked James

"Trust me," said Ron with a dark look, "You're better off not knowing." He stuffed a forkful of chocolate cake into his mouth and chewed it forcefully.

James looked back and forth between his mother and his uncle. Then, as if an idea had dawned on him, he shook himself and frowned. "_Uncle Ron!_ I did not need to know that, seriously!"

"Honestly!" exclaimed Ginny. "It was just a snog." She sighed dreamily. "A lovely, snog." Ginny looked at her brother and son, who were both wearing remarkably similar expressions, and snorted with laughter.

"Not funny," muttered Ron, turning to his nephew. "Say James, how would you like to walk in on Lils snogging the daylights out of some bloke?"

James wrinkled his nose. "I don't suppose I'd like it. Be kind of weird."

"Exactly," said Ron with an affirmative nod.

"Oh go on!" said Ginny, slapping her brother on the wrist. "He was your best mate, not 'some bloke'. And besides, you gave him that stupid book!"

"Well, yeah," said Ron thickly through his chocolate cake, "Fred and George and I had talked about that. We reckoned that I was giving Harry a book that he was going to eventually use to charm our own sister." He paused to take a large gulp of tea. "In the end, we figured Harry's need was great and besides, if you had to hook up with someone, well, Harry wasn't too bad."

"Cheers," said Ginny, lifting her cup in the air.

"Obviously it worked, right?" said Ron.

"Obviously it didn't," retorted Ginny. "I threw that book away after Harry and I got back together." She waved her hand dismissively. "It was total rubbish."

"You did what?" asked Ron, his fork clattering against his plate.

"I threw it out," said Ginny.

Ron turned to his nephew. "Your Mum's a nutter, and she's not a Weasley man anyway," he went on, ignoring his sister's indignant sputtering, "I see now that it's my duty to pass on the book to you. I have a copy at the house that I've kept for Hugo, but he won't be needing it for a while. Besides, Uncle George has the book in stock and it's one of the shop's best sellers too."

"Along with his Flatulent Fritters and they won't help you win a witch's heart either." said Ginny waspishly.

Ron pounded James hard on the back as he choked on his cake. "You don't know what you're talking about. Did you know that without this book, Granddad Arthur would have never won Grandmum Molly's heart."

"What do you mean?" asked James, wide-eyed.

Ginny shook her head. "Oh no, not that story again!"

Ron ignored Ginny. "Your Granddad duelled Lucius Malfoy for your Grandmum's hand, right in the middle of the Great Hall."

"Malfoy? Scorpius' grandfather?" asked James in awe.

"That's the one," said Ron tapping a finger against the table in emphasis. "If your Granddad hadn't learned about witches from that book, we may have been Malfoys instead of Weasleys."

"Don't worry Brother Dear," said Ginny sweetly, "from what I hear, your future grandchildren may yet be Malfoys."

"You shut your mouth!" yelled Ron, scarlet faced as Ginny and James roared with laughter.

"Besides," said Ginny, "that story about Malfoy and Mum's a load of dung."

"It is not!" protested Ron. "Fred and George told me that Percy told them that Charlie said..."

"That explains it," said Ginny, shaking her head. "You should have just asked Mum like I did. She told me Malfoy was a first year when she was a sixth. He wolf whistled at her once in the corridors and she cast a Bat-Bogey Hex on him. End of story."

"Oh," said Ron, disappointed. "That's not quite as exciting, is it?"

"The truth rarely is," said Ginny, standing up from the table. "I'd better go find that pan Hermione wants." She left the kitchen.

The moment that Ron thought Ginny was out of earshot, he turned to his nephew. "Seriously, your Mum doesn't know what she's talking about. That book is something every wizard needs." He looked over his shoulder to make sure Ginny was still out of the room. I'll have the book for you tomorrow when we meet at the Burrow. Only you have to promise one thing."

"What's that?"

"You have to pass the book on to Al when you're done. Like I said, I have Hugo covered and I'm sure George gave Freddie a cop-"

"What about Teddy?" interrupted James. "He's already with Victoire, does he need one anyway?"

"Of course!" Ron assured him. "You know how mental the women in this family are. He'll probably be happy to have something that might help him understand her."

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><p>Ginny stood outside the kitchen door, listening to her brother and her son plotting to pass <em>Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches<em> on to future generations of Potters, Lupins and Weasleys. She supposed it was a harmless enough tradition. She tried to wipe the smile off of her face before she entered the kitchen again. If Ron persisted in perpetuating the tradition of the book, she could play her part as well. She entered the kitchen with Hermione's pan in hand.

"I still say that book is rubbish!"

**The End**

**_A/N2: Thanks again for reading. The fanfic bug has bit again (with a vengeance!). I am currently working on four different stories and hope to post them soon. I should have known my 5-year hiatus from writing fanfic was a temporary thing; it's just too much fun playing in Harry's world!_  
><strong>


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